J: “Daddy. you’re my little princess.” Andy: “Umm… thanks.”
J: “Let’s go outside and do handstands.” Andy: “We can’t go outside right now. I’m making lunches.” J: “Daddy, the doctor says we need to do more handstands.”
Andy: “J, am I your friend?” J: “No. Mommy is.” Andy: “You don’t want to go to college, do you?”
J on vegetables
Andy: “We’re having pizza! Do you like pizza?” J: “No.” Andy: “You don’t like pizza?! Why not?” J: “Because it has salad on it… and I don’t like salad.”
Andy does not think the Man in the Yellow Hat should be held up as an example for our children. Hey Buddy, how about taking some responsibility for your monkey!?
Andy and J were laying on the couch before lunch. J: “Daddy, are you tired?” Andy: “I sure am. Are you tired?” J: “Yes. I had a long day at the playground.”
8/28/10 - Crisis
”ANDY!!!! ANDY!!!! ANDY!!!!” Andy: “What is it J?” J: “I need your help… with the pool.” Andy: “What’s wrong with the pool?” J: “There’s a bee in it.”
Andy was standing in the driveway when J rode her big wheel past wearing only a princess helmet. Andy: “J, what happened to your princess Ariel dress?” J: “My mermaid tail gets stuck in the wheels!”
8/26/10 - the neighbors
Andy: “Is your sister teaching you cheerleader moves?” Caroline (our 6-year-old neighbor): “Only one. It’s for defense.” Andy: “Is that what you are doing right now?” Caroline: “No. I learned this from Sponge Bob.”
Andy recently saw a dog, a lady, and a kid who had the biggest black eye ever… Andy: “Oh my God! What happened to your face!?” Kid: “I ran into a pipe while I was running around in the dark playing laser tag. I actually knocked myself out.” Andy: “No way! What happened then?” Kid: “All the other kids ran up and shot me whil…e I was...
Andy was sitting on the porch this morning when J climbed up into my chair. J: “Daddy, can you get me a bagel?” Andy: “Umm.. sure. Do you want to sit with me for a little while first?” J: “No.”
8/25/10 - Acronyms
J: “Daddy, is that a VCR?” Andy: “No, J. That’s an SUV.”
Andy has an insane appointment schedule today! No breaks until 7 pm!
Andy sat on the couch sharing his grapes with J - J: “Why do you share with me?” Andy: “Because I love you. Why do you share with me?” J: “Because I like grapes.”
Granddad: “Look J, it’s raining outside.” J: “Oh my God, it’s pouring!”
Andy & Alison took J to her grandparents’ dance class tonight. There was a lot of twirling, cutting in, and playing shy. She also ate most of a large cheese platter while unsupervised.
Andy: “J, can I hold your hand on the stairs?” J: “Yes, I don’t want you to fall.”
Andy is back in civilization.
8/16/10 - In the smokeys
Beautiful scenery, no phones, very limited Internet in the lobby, no cell service. Sounds like an amazing spot for a vacation… or a horror movie.
Andy is getting ready to leave J with the grandparents. This is not as easy as I thought it would be.
J is down for a nap. It’s raining outside. The house is dark and quiet. Time to pretend like I’m reading and take a nap.
8/14/10 - the drive
3 hours into our drive to NC: J: “Are we going to Grandma’s house… or school?”
8/14/10 - Vacation!
J: “Dad, where are you going?” Andy: “I’m going on vacation!” J: “I’ll get my shoes.”
Andy has work today, and then VACATION!!!
J: “I have to go potty.” Andy: “Are you sure?” J: “Yes. I have to pee like a ballerina.”
J: “Daddy! I’m going to see sharks and crabs and fish and octopus!” Andy: “Where are you going to see all that stuff?!?” J: “At the shoe store!” Alison: “Um. Actually they’re at the aquarium.” J: “*sigh* Oh… okay.”
It’s a good thing veterinary hospitals don’t have emergency slides, or more days would end like this: http://m.nypost.com/p/news/local/jetblue_attendant_flips_out_flees_EJ6RiGgCZiZxGmo2xsU2TI
8/9/10 -Swim Lesson
Andy and J were sitting on the first step of the pool when she suddenly stood up and dove onto a rubber ball that was floating about 2 feet from the side. She rolled right over the ball and went straight to the bottom. I grabbed her by an ankle and jerked her upside down from the pool. Andy: “WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!?!?” J: …“That’s why I need to learn to...
Andy rolled up to the gun range yesterday. If I hadn’t gone with my friend Dave (who refused to load his own gun), I would have been the least manly person there by far… And that includes all the gun-toting women.
Andy’s SIGN OF GREAT PARENTING #322 J: “Why is that man wearing a princess dress?” Alison: “Umm… He’s the minister.”
Andy’s new gas can is so safe, I ended up completely dousing myself and the mower before figuring out how to make it pour.
Andy broke down and hired a house cleaner for the first time. When we arrived home from school and work today, I told J we have a new fairy godmother who cleaned our house. She is almost as excited as Alison.
Andy: “J, some friends of mine have a dairy cow that insists on being treated like a princess. They named her Jacquelyn after you.” J: “Is she a pretty cow?” Andy: “I’m sure she is.” J: “I like princess cows.”
Can't read my...
Sam (our 10 year-old neighbor): “Hey Andy, how do you wake up Lady Gaga?” Andy: “How?” Sam: “Poker Face.”
Andy is glad to be home, even if he was interrogated at 6 am on his whereabouts over the last 2 days. If started with “Daddy, is that you?”
Andy broke out of work early, grabbed a nap, picked up J, hit the pool, and got dinner at the BBQ place. On the road to ATL in 9 hours. This weekend is off to a great start!
Andy’s filing system: (1) go to file cabinet to find vitally important document. (2) freak out when not in appropriate folder. (3) Tear office apart rifling through piles of random papers (4) find vital document in pile of receipts and term papers written in college. (5) Use vital document (6) Return document to pile. (7) Repeat.
Alison: “Did you wash J’s hands today?” Andy: “Um.. We went swimming. Does that count?”
7/27/10 - No Love (featuring Andy)
Andy got turned away from the auto mechanic, the barber, and the DMV (twice) today. Not feeling the love.
Andy just learned that his home number comes up on caller id as: Ms. Joan Devine.
BECAUSE I SAID SO!!!
I went to Best Buy and told the salesman: “There’s a guy named Josh Bub and I need an entertainment system that’s nicer than his.” This is what I came home with. I think the surge protector can make waffles.
7/25/10 - Rude Awakening
Andy was awakened this morning by an open-handed slap to the face followed by the words: “Sorry, Daddy… Sorry.” I think I taught J a new word immediately thereafter.
J (Calling down from the top of the stairs) : “MOMMY!! CAN YOU READ ME A BEDTIME STORY?” Alison: “Why? Where’s Daddy?” J: “DADDY TOLD ME TO ASK AND ACT LIKE I WANT YOU SO THAT HE CAN PLAY ON HIS COMPUTER!”
Andy: “J, what do you want to do today?” J: “I want to spend some time with my hair down.”
J: “Mommy is my little angel.” Alison: “Oh yeah? What’s Daddy?” J: “Daddy is a guy… and he doesn’t wear dresses.”
Andy and J are devouring an amazing watermelon! Between the two of us, this is probably the longest silence I can remember.
7/19/10 - Self Asteem: Check.
J: “I don’t like you, Mommy.” Alison: “You don’t like me!?! That’s not very nice!” J: “But.. I like me.”
Andy is going to be the best man at his brother’s wedding in June!
J’s math: Love of princesses + New infatuation with dancing+ Daddy working on the computer = unquenchable desire to watch first dance wedding videos on YouTube. … Ughh….